A year ago today as I was signing a consent to be put on life support, the phone rang and it changed my future. "My" lungs were available!
I was rushed through the preop process, they found the lungs to be perfectly suited for me and I was wheeled into surgery.
However, as surgery began, my body finally gave up. They had to do CPR for 10 minutes. They finally did get my heart to play nice and decided to go ahead and put me on bypass and start the surgery and hope for the best, not knowing what kind of brain damage might have occurred from the CPR.
About 20 hours later I woke up. Heavily sedated, but awake enough to see my parents and Steve standing over me with big worried eyes. I was still intubated but I could see the relief in everyone's eyes through their tears and mine, when they told my I was all finished. They told me that my lungs were perfect and asked if I was feeling ok. I'm pretty sure I shrugged my shoulders and rolled my eyes at that question, (hee hee) that's when they knew I was going to be ok.
From the moment I took my first "new" breath, I felt better than I had in years. Of course my body was sore, but those lungs immediately felt like they were right where they were supposed to be.
My recovery overall has been amazing. Zero rejection from day one, praise God! I still say I'm recovering because I think it's a long physical AND emotional process. My body changed so much in the last year. From being nearly bedridden for 6 weeks preop, and then immediately on a treadmill 10 days after surgery, my body was certainly thrown for a loop. It's been a long road to get any sort of muscle tone back. Taking a handful of pills every morning and night is no fun either, but if that's all I can complain about, I'd say I'm doin just fine! Being able to actively participate in my family and friends' lives again has been nothing less than amazing. I'm pretty much back to "normal" (haha relatively speaking) and able to play with the kids, take care of my family, run up and down stairs (sounds mundane to you, but it was something I couldn't dream of doing for the last 2 years!)
I'm very proud to say I have finished three 5ks. I'm pretty sure i'll never set any blazing records, but I'm hoping to someday actually have a decent time. For now I'm over the moon with the progress I've made.
Everyday I'm just so thankful for God's faithfulness to me for delivering me through a trial that just 5 years ago we never could have even imagined would happen. It will always bring tears to my eyes to look back and see how miracle upon miracle happened in my transplant process and I just can't call that luck. God's grace and mercy certainly did shine on me.
I'm so grateful for the awesome family and friends that we have. It's an amazing thing to see a community of people- from my friends, to the church, the kids' school, the fire department, and even complete strangers pulling together not only for me but for Steve and the kids, too. From calls, texts, visits, prayers, food, facebook messages, donations and gifts-even though I was hundreds of miles from home I never felt alone. Steve definitely got to deal with the "worse" part of "for better or for worse" and I can't even imagine going through that without him. His strength and encouragement when I was ready to give up was what got me through many of those preop days.
He and Jolie really kept the kids life as "normal" as possible and I'm so thankful for both of them and the sacrifices they made to be with me or the kids at all times.
Lastly, I'm eternally grateful to my donor and family who made the decision to donate organs in what was probably one the most horrible moments of their life. I absolutely do think about my donor on a daily basis. People often ask if my lungs feels different or if breathing feels different. It's not at all. It's like a Cinderella story actually (ha-minus the princess part) A perfect fit! The only difference is in my head- I very consciously do think of my donor every day, every time I take a walk, do something fun, celebrate my kids' birthdays, look at the ocean, swim in the pool... EVERYTHING makes me think of him. (for the record I don't know if its a him, but I've always had a feeling) Days that I don't feel like working out, days that I wanna sleep til noon - those are the days that I make myself get up and move. They can't. But I can. And I will!
Making the decision to donate your (child, spouse, mother, etc) organs when you're facing the imminent loss of a loved one is so brave and selfless and I'm so thankful for them. So while I celebrate this day- a whole new year that I'm living and breathing, remember someone is remembering this day, too and probably grieving. Please say a prayer for that family, too. For without them I'd not be here either.
So anyway, I will continue to be thankful for every breath and every moment. So take a big deep breath with me and celebrate every day. Life is so amazing and breathing is beautiful!
