Twenty-five years ago, before most people across our country knew who he was, my good friend, mentor, brother and adopted father Billy Goldfeder invited me to his home in Virginia for Thanksgiving. The first year it was me, Billy’s wife their three little kids and a crazy friend from Florida. At dinner Billy asked each of us what we were thankful for? In recent years that Thanksgiving dinner of 7 has transitioned into a table of more than 40 people. As the “kids” became adults, they have their own kids and many new friends and families have joined in the annual tradition. Billy still asks each person to briefly say what they are thankful for and let me tell you over the past 25 years there have been a lot a laughs and a lot of tears at that thanksgiving table. The tradition continues today, but for the first time in 25 years I wont be there.
Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday of the year, I think for two reasons:
1. It is the least commercialized (no cards, no gifts and until a few years ago no shopping).
2. It is truly a time to spend with our families and friends and reflect on what we are thankful for.
Normally for me to miss this thanksgiving tradition would NOT HAPPEN! under any circumstance, but this year I am missing this tradition and it is so I can spend it with my family (Mollie, Jack and Riley) as we celebrate the greatest thanksgiving ever!
As most of you know my wife Mollie got sick, very suddenly three years ago. Her disease, pulmonary fibrosis progressed over the past three years quickly. Mollie’s doctors stated a lung transplant would be the only thing that could save her life. Mollie was “listed” for double lung transplant at the Cleveland Clinic in May of this year and we started to wait. First we cancelled our summer vacation and other plans because we thought surely the call to go to Cleveland would come soon, but that didn't happen. Summer came and went with no call and Mollie continued to get sicker. When the kids went back to school in the fall both Mollie and I were very discouraged, we had hoped to get the transplant call while the kids were off and everything would be so much easier, but that was not the way things were going to work.
By September Mollie was failing her lung test’s and the doctors at CC started to warn us that hospitalization pre-transplant might be needed. By October Mollie and I knew she was starving for air and the only way to get her the oxygen she needed would be in the hospital. On October 17th (The third Friday of October) I drove Mollie to the Cleveland Clinic where she was admitted to the lung/heart transplant unit. Ironically Mollie’s first hospital visit of this disease was on the third Friday in October 2011, exactly three years to the day.
At CC they increased her oxygen to almost 30 liters, for those of you who are not EMS people thats twice the flow we can deliver by mask in an ambulance to a patient and sounds and feels like someone is shooting an air compressor hose at your face. In the hospital Mollie was finally getting enough oxygen, but her lungs continued to deteriorate at a rapid pace. During this time I drove back and forth between home near Cincinnati and Cleveland multiple times as did Mollie’s parents, sister and other friends and family. We took care of the kids at home and tried to make their life as normal as possible while also carrying for Mollie. We tried to make life in a hospital bed as comfortable as possible. On the weekend of November 8 - 9 I was in Cleveland just for a weekend visit, but I felt like I needed to stay a few more days.
On Monday November 10th the doctors told Mollie that her breathing was getting too hard, she wasn't oxygenating her blood enough and damage to her other vital organs had started and would progress which would be very very bad. The doctors recommended we put Mollie on ECMO (Lung ByPass) which is a surgical procedure that would also require a trache to be inserted in her throat. Mollie was very upset, as a nurse for more than 15 years she knew that this was the end stage/last resort treatment for a patient awaiting a lung transplant. It would mean Mollie would leave the comfort of a private hospital room and be moved to the ICU till transplant and potentially be placed on a ventilator. The doctors assured us that ECMO would keep Mollie alive longer and healthier to await transplant.
Around 1 PM Monday I updated Mollie’s blog http://waitingformysecondwind.blogspot.com as well as our Facbook and Twitter sites asking for prayers for Mollie, as well as the doctors and the procedure she was facing. Our pastor driving home from an appointment prayed in his car, many of our friends texted us, posted, re-posted, tweeted etc prayers across the country for Mollie and this difficult next step in this process. Mollie was scared, I was scared, but we put our trust in each other and especially our faith and trust in God that things would be OK.
Around 2 PM the surgeon who would do Mollie’s ECMO surgery came to meet with us and answer any questions before she would sign the consent for surgery. Literally as Mollie was signing the paperwork her phone started to ring, the caller calmly said “Mollie we think we have your new lungs”!
Imagine the joy, excitement, fear, love, and every other feeling/emotion you have ever had; when you got married, when you got engaged, when you saw your first born child for the first time and then triple those emotions and thats how I felt all at once. Mollie and I hadn't really talked about it but thru the unspoken words that only spouses can communicate threw both Mollie and I knew the end of her life here on earth was close and now she would get that second chance we had almost given up on.
We received at that moment a true answer to prayer, our prayers, our friends prayers, our families prayers all at once lifted Mollie up and gave her the second chance, the second wind we had been waiting for.
We quickly packed weeks worth of decorations pictures, clothes, flowers etc so Mollie could be moved to pre-op. When you are a transplant recipient there is not much you know about the donor, where its is coming from? who? how old? what happen and after a little while and it all settles in you realize in this moment of your greatest joy for a “second wind” some other family somewhere else had to say goodbye to a loved one in order for Mollie’s life to be saved. I said many prayers that night; for Mollie, for the doctors, but especially for the donor’s family for if they hadn’t made the decision to donate organs Mollie’s life wouldn't have been saved that night.
Family and friends scrambled to pick up kids and others headed to Cleveland. Mollie’s Mom and Dad arrived and were able to visit with her for a few minutes, one of our pastors Elder Justin Huffman also arrived and said a prayer with Mollie and I bedside in the ICU. My best friend since I was 12 Ed Kline jumped on an airplane in Philadelphia and arrived in Cleveland just after midnight to sit with me during the 10-hour surgery.
Mollie went into surgery just before 2AM on 11-11-14, Veterans Day. We didn't get any updates for almost 6 hours, to say it was the longest night of my life would be an understatement. I walked, prayed, eat, tried to nap, walked, paced, eat, tried to nap for an eternity. Just before 8 AM we received a call that the surgery was progressing well, everything looked good. A small relief, but still we wanted to see the surgeon and hear it from him. Around 10 AM Dr Tong walked out to meet with us the surgery was over, the lungs looked “perfect” and overall the surgery went well. Just before they started the surgery there were some complications that I wont go into, but lets just say Mollie took a peek at heaven for a few minutes and decided to stay with us here on earth! What a blessing! The doctors only concern was would Mollie wake up?
We got to see Mollie a few hours later, still asleep, intubated in the ICU. As I leaned over and whispered in her ear that the surgery was over, she had new lungs and the doctor said they were perfect. Tears rolled out of the corner of her eyes. We had discussed pre-operation if she would be able to hear me when she was asleep? Mollie told me “just talk to me” so I did and apparently she could hear me and that brought comfort to me knowing that she knew she was going to be OK.
The next few hours was monitoring her in the ICU, she would wake up and look at me, nod yes and no to some questions before she would fall asleep again. The ventilator was removed and Mollie was breathing on her own with her new lungs within 12 hours of surgery. By Wednesday morning the breathing tube had been removed and Mollie’s “second wind” was working on its own. It was amazing to look over and see the oxygen saturation which had been so low for so long reading 98%. Thank You God.
Mollie spent a few days in the ICU, a few more days back on the heart/lung floor before being discharged from the hospital10 days post transplant. We are now living in an apartment in Cleveland. Transplant patients have to stay near the hospital for several weeks for checks up and meetings with the doctors. The biggest thing they are watching for is rejection, our body has a very sophisticated immune system and it will detect and attack the donor lungs as not belonging. To combat this the doctors placed Mollie on a host of medications to trick her body into not rejecting her lungs and allowing them to heal.
Early on in this process the transplant coordinators told us that we need to prepare financially for the post transplant medical expenses. They told us how important it was to raise money. Neither Mollie or I felt comfortable with asking people for donations, quickly a group of our friends led by Steve Oughterson, Billy Goldfeder and the Goshen IAFF Local assisted by many others did it for us. While Mollie was still at home they had a dinner with a silent auction in her honor. The group was able to raise several thousand dollars for Mollie’s post transplant care and medications. They started a tax deductible donation website at helphopelive.com for Mollie and hundreds of friends, family and even strangers donated to Mollie’s campaign.
It all paid off in a big way. While still in the hospital they provide the patient and their care giver (me) several classes on signs and symptoms of rejection, PT and pharmaceuticals. They then run all the meds that have been prescribed for you thru your insurance company and then tell you the cost for the first 30-day supply. Mollie’s medication for the first 30-days was $3,600 after insurance. What a blessing to know that we had the money to pay for her medication thanks to the giving of so many of you! The doctors told us the first few months would be the worse, but as some medications are weened off the cost would go down to closer to $1,000 a month. So far we have the first few months of medication paid for; so thank you for all of you who have donated to Mollie’s fund.
That pretty much brings us today, Thanksgiving. So what am I thankful for?
I am thankful for:
First and foremost Mollie, my wife, my friend, my babies momma and the gift of her second wind.
My kids, they have been super through all this and seem so easy to just live out of a backpack for months.
Jolie Autry, Mollie’s twin sister who probably in a weird twin sort of way was closer to how Mollie felt than anyone, Jolie watched our kids, loved them like her own, stayed with Mollie when I had to work, coordinated fund raisers, updated friends and family and was an absolute rock throughout this whole process.
The rest of our family, especially Mitch (Jolie’s husband), Nick and Judy Sargent her mom and dad who also pulled multiple shifts at home with the kids, babysitting so I could go to a budget meeting, dog sitting etc. I have often said even before this event that one of the biggest bonuses of marring Mollie was gaining her parents, they are my best friends and I call them Mom and Dad like they are/were my own.
My Mom and Dad, They dropped everything and came to visit for several weeks and helped around the house, cleaned things I just didn't have time to, cooked dinners and provide some other support that only they could. They must be coming back because they left cloths in the closet and a suitcase, and thats OK with us.
The doctors, nurses, PCA’s and entire staff of the Cleveland Clinic. What an amazing place. We will be forever in debated to them for saving Mollie’s life and thru the process made some great friends, but also met many other families who have or a re going thru the same journey what a great place, its like the disney world and FDIC of the medical field all wrapped together.
The donor and their family, you are unknown to us but we are so thankful they choose to be a organ donor.
Steve and Deborah Oughterson, long time friends Steve and I both worked together at LSFD and we use to be neighbors. Steve has stepped up to do anything big or small, totally handled coordinating fund raising activities etc and even cut my grass and raked my leaves etc while I was in Cleveland. For those of you who are firefighters Steve puts the “brother” in the word “Brotherhood” and he always does it quietly and without any fanfare, thanks Steve O
Ed Kline, Ed has been my best friend since the early 1980’s, we became firefighters together, we were best man in each other wedding’s and talk regularly by phone. Mollie refers to Ed as my other wife, and honesty how many of you have a friend who with less than an hour notice drops everything he was doing and fly’s to Cleveland to hang out while Mollie was having surgery. Thats the kind of guy Ed is he would give the shirt off his back even though it would be a few sizes to big and not even ask why I needed it. thanks Ed.
Billy G, Teri and their family, just like Billy updates the fire service he updated many of you and served as the unofficial secretary of this little journey. He made sure everyone was in the loop and also consulted with experts all across the country to make sure Mollie’s care was the best and right choice. Thanks Billy, don't forget who was the original thanksgiving guest and save us our seats for next year.
Goshen Fire and EMS, especially Captain Robert Rose who has been serving as acting Chief off and on for the past few weeks. When I checked in with them I would get the same answer “Chief we got it” and they did. I am so proud to be their Chief and all the accomplishments we have made together over the last five years, but especially the love and support they have shown me and my family more recently.
My boss Ray Snyder and the Goshen Township Trustees Lisa, Claire and Lois as well as our Fiscal Officer Cheryl who coordinated fund raisers, offered food and babysitting and when I tried to come to work told me to go home and take care of my family, thank you!
My kids school Milford Christian Academy, they raised money, sent cards, offered to baby sit, tutor, dog sit, cut grass and do anything we needed. Most of all they prayed for Mollie, me and the kids fervently and we felt their prayers working in our lives and especially in Mollie’s. I LOVE our school family.
My IMAT chief’s, those are the fire chiefs who boarder Goshen and respond on serious calls, they all have stepped up both in responding to calls in my absence but each of them routinely checked in and offered support. Thank You Chef’s Huber, Rose and Kelly!
The Board of Directors and Membership of ISFSI and Pennwell/Fire Engineering these fire service groups stepped up and took care of huge projects during my time away and also reached out all across the country to rally support for me and my family. The hundreds of prayers, post, emails, tweets, donations and phone calls were greatly appreciated and almost always came at the most low and opportunist time.
Our Church, another one of the greatest gifts I got by marring Mollie (besides our kids, her family, her parents, her crazy friends) was our church! Mollie is the 3rd generation attending Cincinnati Primitive Baptist Church. Pastor Lassere Bradley has been there for more than 50 years and baptized Mollies grandparents (Both sets), parents, brother, sister, Mollie, me and now Jack. He also married Nick and Judy as well as all the kids. To say we are a little close to our pastor and our church family would be a huge understatement. My faith in our lord and savior Jesus Christ, my salvation thru gods grace is all because Mollie took me to church with her, after wandering the earth unfaithful for so many years I found exactly what I was looking for in a church and a family at CPBC.
On Sunday 11-16 Brother Bradley spoke about Mollie as he used Philippians 4:13
“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”
So as I celebrate my favorite holiday, Thanksgiving with my beautiful bride and our awesome kids I want to remind each of you that God is great, God answers prayers and we all can benefit from being a little less selfish, a little less worldly and a little more giving in our life in a lot of different ways.
Your prayers saved Mollie’s life and that is what I am most thankful for this year!
What are you thankful for?
Love
Stephen
